Memang belum genap sebulan tahun 2012 berlalu. Tapi gw gak nyangka, belum 1 bulan aja udah se… se… seperti ini. In a good way or not? Just continue reading
Minggu ini, entah apa yg terjadi pada alam semesta, dipenuhi dengan berbagai konflik. No, it’s not me, yg berkonflik orang lain but unfortunately people related to me. Baru sadar, kalo gw bilang “minggu ini” pun rasanya inappropriate karena sekarang baru selasa but well… these 2 days feel like a living hell (instead of the fact that finally i went to a beach yesterday)
So why? Why “awkward moments”?
Because today is ‘awkward moments’ day!
Dimulai dari rapat ter.. entahlah ter apa, words just can’t describe that. People, I had a really bad sore throat but nobody listened! And this f-ing bronchitis just came at the most inappropriate time: just before I planned on going home. WHY the hell it’s inappropriate?? Because my mom will get angry at me if I get sick because it means I can’t take care of myself. And she’ll abandon me from doing LITERALLY ANYTHING outside which also INCLUDES that big thing on this weekend: RTA MA. and, FYI, people, Im the chairman of that occasion at which I’ll also be inducted to be one of MA member. SO I maintain myself to AT LEAST get better when I come home tomorrow. But what happened today really makes me sad… and disappointed
I shouted to get over the crowd, the can’t-be-stopped-from-talking-people, but STILL nobody listened. I could feel my face’s got warmer and my eyes were getting wet… I knew I was about to cry. That was awkward you know. I was the head of the meeting but I cried because nobody listened.
Where, let me enlighten you. I just felt that everybody only wanted to talk about things related to his/her job and when i talked about other people’ thingy, only a few listened. It’s just so… selfish 😦
What’s awkward moment number 2?
So I went to toilet quickly and cried there. I washed my face to overcome the tears-marks but still I cudn’t stop crying. So I sat down at a long chair near the toilet (in front of my lecture room) and continued the crying. Okay, honestly the not-listening-people was just a trigger. I was sooo much upset about sooo many things about sooo many people related to that big thing. I just can’t show it, I can’t say it out loud. I was being the greatest poker face ever lived (when we’re talking about me pretending everything’s okay when everything’s not). You wanna know? ‘Course you want haha, but no, Im not gonna tell it here, it’s just to private.
At the time I cried really hard, I heard a trotting came from my back. I heard someone said,
“Mbak, kalo mau ke RSCM ke mana ya?” (translate: Miss, can you show me a way to RSCM?)
I turned around without wiping my tears first
And answered with the happiest smile you could show when you were crying,
“That way, Sir”
Poor that man! Hahaha
He was like seeing a ghost. He was so shocked.
So that was the awkward moment number 2 (more for that poor moment i guess :p)
After that, I continued crying. I felt like nobody really cared about me. I sacrificed so much for that big thing. I studied less than I ever did and so I had to catch up the exams prep on last minutes which, in turn, causes this bronchitis. I was so freaked out of getting everybody’s involved, but still I didn’t see they were really in it. When everybody’s so lazy to get their ass up to meet me up, I came to their places. When they were so ignorant about getting to meeting on time, I never complaint, at least in front of them. No, I didn’t expect them to be me, damn no, but at least please, care about me, listen to me when Im talking :”’
I knew, hell, I knew they had so much amazing life, so much sophisticated life rather that just make this big thing happen, but this is important to other people. And that other people may depending on us.
Because they never cared, I felt really, really lonely. It’s just a word ‘sorry’ that came out from their mouth after they troublesome me. But they didn’t care about me. They only cared when I cried like this afternoon. Well I don’t even know is it the word ‘care’ or ‘wanna know’ I should have used. The fact that everyone, everyone except me, has so much greater life rather than I do, makes me feel even lonelier. Who else do I have here?
I just feel soo worthless that I should have not been here
Now that everyone knows that I want them to care about me all I wanna do is shouted that they’re just too late
That’s what happening on awkward moment number 3. One of them finally found out where I had been gone and she took a seat next to me. All that time, we didn’t talk. That was surely awkward for her and also for me. I just wanted people to leave me alone but actually its loneliness causes this sadness. Contradictory huh? Yep, but that’s what I felt.
I made one of my friend took my backpack to my place. He was.. okay, he was annoyingly funny and he did make me laugh while I was still crying haha. You didn’t actually care when you asked me “what happened? tell me all the story” while I was crying. You could possibly just wanna know. But you did care when you tried to stop me cry. Whatever your way (excluding “Kris, please don’t cry” okay? I am so gonna cry louder if you try to stop me from crying by saying that. And plus, I sooo hate that sentence).
I really have to stop continuing this blog. Gosh, something happens and this is just sucks that I spontaneously cry all over again. What mom’s gonna say tomorrow when she found out my eyes are so… no word can describe this disaster.