Jane Austen 2011

Yeah, that’s me
Doesn’t mean I have her writing talent or what (or if I do, I just haven’t figured it out, that it’s hidden somewhere haha), but I experience the same thing like she experienced. As the online dictionary said, a thing called mating or pairing. Or, frankly speaking, arranged marriage. It’s not that Im gonna marry soon NO, BIG NO
it is so obvious

And i dont like it at ALL

I mean, if this is getting too far, Im just gonna do exactly what Jane did. Affection is NOT desirable. Dude, I tried to enjoy the whole things, damn it, I TRIED, but all I did is faking a laugh and faking a smile. This is sooo not gonna work out. My mom seems to like the family and also the kid and I know deep down inside she wants me to “accept” him. This morning she asked me whether i was happy last night when i was out with his family, and I answered “I was really tired”. The fact is, mom, I was not happy. The whole things are just too weird, I barely know any of them! Mom asked me again if the family was nice. I was frowning, thinking for a while, and answered with a “Hmm”. She knew I was angry, not in mood, and did not wanna talk about it further. So she stopped.

Yeah, I am into somebody else right now, but that’s not the problem. The problem is these mating things are just too soon! I am 17, for God’s sake! This is soo not right!
I dont wanna feel like this, feel like having an obligation to “accept” the mating because the family treated me nicely. I dont wanna think about mating, more over if it is expected to end up at marriage. All my 17-year-old soul wanna do is to be free, to fall in love anytime, anywhere, to see, take a look around, have a lesson learned.

I thought this was silly, funny, something I could laugh at. But now it’s too far, getting more serious, I cant stand it.
I am angry. This is unacceptable 😡


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