Hey guys! Almost been a month since my last post. Well, I posted this at (ex) school library (since i’ve graduated already, well, this is not my school anymore :p) while waiting for a friend.
So, I’ve mentioned before that Ive got a crush on someone. And I have to admit that i was TOTALLY wrong. He’s not only a crush to me. He’s like…. I dont know, something’s lot deeper than just a crush. Or fling. Summer fling, actually, because this is summer (uummm, ACTUALLY, indonesia does not have summer, but i’ll use that term, if you dont mind). Okay, back to topic, haha. This, us, i guess, will end up somewhere. I dont know yet, we’ve only been texting for like a month, without seeing each other, cause he’s like 1000kms away from me: he’s staying in bali on holiday and im in bandung. But i guess, i HOPE, this will end happily somewhere somewhen and somehow.
God, I cant stop thinking about him especially when I got nothing to do. It feels like it can really kill me, softly, painfully: ‘it’ refers to the consciousness about how I miss him. I really seem like someone who deeply fall in love right. I dont dare saying that Im already in love, it’s big thing you know, love, and stuff. But, surely, I like him. More than just a ‘like’, honestly.
Mmm, but im worried about something. It doesnt actually come from him, its me. Ive known him for months and had this… amazing feeling for a month or so, Ive met him, its not like something ever happened to me: have a crush on someone you met on facebook. BUT, im worried because this kinda thing usually happen on me in holiday. Im afraid if the real world comes, I go back studying etc, I’ll just… you know… forget these? I hope this won’t end like that. I am, totally, start to fall for him. He’s like the best thing ever happened on this holiday, and FOR THE FIRST TIME EVEERRRRRR my mom and I have something in common about guys I should date. And that common thing it’s him.
I know, she ever likes someguy for me to date, that guy is my ex-crush, but, she doesnt really like him anymore for this reason:
he’s damn gorgeous
she doesnt like handsome guys. she thinks they’re all bad. But my-something’s-much-more-than-just-a-crush-but-not-yet-to-be-my-love here, he’s not bad also. He’s good looking enugh (and only thinking of his face make me blushing and smiling to myself. remember, im doing this at my school’s library. alone) 🙂 but yeah, you cant identify him as “damn gorgeous”. and my mom likes it. likes it if i see a guy not from he’s physical appearance, but more about he’s personality and ‘religious-ity’.
im saying that dosent mean that he (my-something’s-much-more-than-just-a-crush-but-not-yet-to-be-my-love) doesnt have a good physical appearance. He’s amazing to me. His accent, his handwriting, his state of mind, his silly haircut, his taste of music. the way he smiles, the way he talks, the way he walks, the way he laughs. The way he looked at me at the first time we met. everything just seems so right on him.
When I meet my pals, only God knows, why I keep talking about him. its only him I’d like to talk about. When my mom starts a conversation about him, its really hard to stop. God, i cant stop smiling right now. He’s ‘conquering’, ‘taking’ all my mind, most of the time. If you ask me to describe him in 5 words, i wont be able to do that. There are not enough good words in this world which can describe him.
And I damn miss him. I get sicker day by the day he’s not here. right im his noone and i have no right to take him from his little familiy gathering that almost takes a month (yeah that’s sarcasm). I wanna see that smile of him. That… everything on him. And… these days ive been wondering what it feels like to hold his hands, you know, to be around him.
I feel hard to stop typing. Well, this post is already all about him. Damn it, i like him so much. I know this is something bigger, more serious than just a crush,a fling. Word ‘like’ is not even enough to describe this. And as I said, ‘love’ maybe too much, im not… sure? You think Im psycho, whatever. This feeling is amazing that i dont care too much of what people will probably say. Im hardly breathing right now, it just feel so… right.
Well, I gotta stop this (typing I mean, not the feeling). Thank God if he ever reads this, and likes me back. Thank God if things between us go well
Thank God, You bring him to my life